SANE PARENTING ADVICE
Yelling And Spanking Will Not Stop Your 3 Year Old From Driving You Crazy
From A Recent Chat With A Parent And Some Lancer Answers
Re: My 3 Year Old Is Actually Driving Me Crazy; yelling and spanking are not working. What parenting advice can you offer.
Here is the parenting advice I suggest you follow: Concentrate on improving your self-control. Concentrate on removing the anger and stress from your emotional reaction to your child's behavior.
Sane parenting demands the self control to remain at peace and poised NO MATTER what form of child behavior your child displays. As long as your child's behvior makes you react, your child is in charge, and there is no parenting advice that will prove helpful.
Treat every form of child behavior that causes you stress as your opportunity to EXERCISE staying calm. Prent self-control grows stronger through exercise, like any muscle.
Sane parenting advice goes beyond just parenting. Start calming down even when you are not with your child. Slow down. Ease up. You can't get to everything. When you live in a stressful mode, your child's behavior MUST drive you crazy.
Re: It is obvious to me that my child's displays of impatience, whining, and sometimes meanness comes from ME!! Do you have any idea how difficult that is to admit?
Yes, I know how hard that is to admit but I also know that the courage to do so starts you out on the sane parenting. The key to being in charge with children is to get into better charge of yourself. As you discipline yourself to stop yelling and spanking, and to calmly handle your child's behavior, new options will occur. You will start receiving your own parenting advice from within! Parenting children of any age is demanding. Beating yourself up over your mistakes will not create a brighter future for you and your child.
Re: it is so frustrating being so calm and patient when he is so insistent on not doing as I ask!
If you are feeling frustrated, you are not being calm and patient! Just as if you are yelling and spaking you are not eliminating those from your reactions.
Continue working on maintaining your peace and poise in the face of your child's behavior. In peace and poise you can demonstrate sane parenting.
Also, remember this: over-relying on words and reasoning to direct a 3 year old will land you in the nut-house in no time. Stop repeating yourself. Take more time to connect with your child before you direct him.
Use positive physical involvement to guide your child's behavior and demonstrate in front of him what you want him to do. Use positive, loving engagement with your child 95% of the time – the better you connect, the better you direct.
Re: I realize that yelling and spanking is not helping the situation, but it is hard to calmly ask a child to do something, and to be completely ignored.
3 year olds are supposed to focus on their own agenda. It seems like they are ignoring you, but they really do not have the control over their attention that you expect. When the child ignores you, stand close until he looks at you. Then say what you have to say. If he ignores your request or direction again, consider if you really need his attention. While the child under 6 remains focused on his own task, he develops his ability to concentrate. Remember that joining the child in the action or demonstrating the behavior that you want triggers his instinct to join and copy you. The most important piece of sane parenting advice I can suggest is this: as you improve your self-control you will feel more happily in charge in your relationship with your child.
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