How To Receive All The Support You Need
End Parent Frustration
Video: From Reacting To Creating
Mastering Loneliness
How to find and fulfill your life’s purpose
Are You A Thought-Aholic?
Rewire Your Brain For Extraordinary Parenting
The Perfection Of Life
Video: Secret To Relationship Satisfaction
Your Secret Key To Higher Success
Practice Conscious Parenting
Don't Look For Signs
End Toxic Parenting For The Environment
Improve Child Behavior With Peace and Poise
Create Your Own Destiny
Improve Your Teen's Self-Esteem
How To Gain Freedom From Despair
Heal Your Relationship With Money
9 Practical Parenting Tips
An Amazing Way To Transform Your Life
Parenting Children Beyond Control
Harness The Power Of Feeling Great
Master Time Management
Create Your Reality
12 Pro-Active Parenting Tips
Seize Your Opportunity For Success
The Defiant Child
Transform Negativity
Handling Tantrums, etc
Romantic Advice For Parents
Access The Secret Wisdom Of Nature
The Child Development Solution
Resolutions For Happy Success
Facing Angry Child Behavior?
"My 3 yr. Old Drives Me Crazy"
Inevitable Success Secrets
Handling Kids Negotiating
Develop Your Parent Leadership
Couples: How To Argue
Your Inner Source
Bob Lancer's Essential Parenting Solutions
Family, Holidays, Child Discipline
Life-Balance Wisdom Secrets
To Raise A Secure Child From Infancy
The Tao of Success
How To Establish Boundaries With Children
Self-Empowering Communication Tips
Sibling Rivalry Solutions
How To Fall In Love and Stay in Love
Daily Parenting Solutions
Release From The Only "Thing" That Holds You Back

How To Establish Boundaries With Your Children



To establish boundaries with your children in a healthy and constructive way, it is essential first to understand that how and when you do this makes all the difference.


To successfully lead children to behave within appropriate boundaries in the first six years of life requires a different approach compared with working with children oder than six.


When you attempt to set boundaries with children under six, remember that what you DO carries far more weight than what you say. Not until around the age of four-and-a-half does providing reasonable explanation demonstrate much influence over child behavior.


Keep the following in mind when you need to set limits on behavior with children under six:


1. Provide the child with as much freedom as possible to explore her world and exercise her abilities. If you attempt to impose boundaries more than necessary, you aggravate the child needlessly and cause the child to rebel, defy, and possibly even to engage in destructive behavior.


2. Remember the purpose of setting behavior boundaries.  It is not to "teach the child to listen to you" but to prepare the child for making responsible choices on his own. Therefore, do not impose a boundary just to prove "who's in charge".


3. Especially for children under the age of six, your most powerful influence is in bonding.  The child needs to feel deeply secure about your love to behave well. Therefore, when you establish boundaries with children in this stage of development, remain calm and loving. Any expressing of anger or annoyance from the parent incites worse behavior from the child.


4. Another powerful influence of yours is modelling. When you attempt to establish boundaries, be sure to do so in a mode that MODELS remaining in your own healthy boundaries.  Since reactions of anger and stress are really not good for you, you overstep your own healthy boundaries when you react with anger and stress.


5. The most common mistake parents make when they attempt to when it comes to child behavior boundaries is confusing angry scolding, yelling or hitting with constructive child discipline.   The more a parent uses these negative ways of relating with children, the more "out of bounds" the child's behavior is bound to be.


Whatever the age of your child, the time to step in and take charge is when it is in the child's best interest for you to do so.  Being overly controlling with a child is a counter-productive as giving a child too much freedom.  You need to observe each child carefully to see how much freedom that child can responsibly handle without your intervention. 


The more we need to establish boundaries with our children, the more the child is expressing a need for involvement  BEFORE his behavior goes too far. Sometimes, it is best to overlook the child's behavior, to let him find his own way.  When you do need to get involved, get involved in a positive, loving way. You can use play to establish boundaries with children in a way they don't even realize it is happening.  For instance, if your child is running wildly indoors, you might play a FREEZE game. When you call out "freeze", he has to stop and be still while you count to seven.  This leads the child from wildness to self-control in a loving way. 


When a children feel loved, when they feel that they have the attention and involvement from you that they need, you will have less of a need to establish boundaries with those children, because they will responsibly establish more of their own.


To learn more about how to establish boundaries with children, read Bob Lancer's Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress, and/or listen to the amazingly powerful and practical CD, How To Establish Your Authority.  


Phone: 770-364-9580   Email:

© 2015 Bob Lancer. All Rights Reserved : : : Web Hosting by - Designed with SiteBuilder

                     Raising Our Children  
         Raising Ourselves
Created with the SiteBuilder.