How To Receive All The Support You Need
End Parent Frustration
Video: From Reacting To Creating
Mastering Loneliness
How to find and fulfill your life’s purpose
Are You A Thought-Aholic?
Rewire Your Brain For Extraordinary Parenting
The Perfection Of Life
Video: Secret To Relationship Satisfaction
Your Secret Key To Higher Success
Practice Conscious Parenting
Don't Look For Signs
End Toxic Parenting For The Environment
Improve Child Behavior With Peace and Poise
Create Your Own Destiny
Improve Your Teen's Self-Esteem
How To Gain Freedom From Despair
Heal Your Relationship With Money
9 Practical Parenting Tips
An Amazing Way To Transform Your Life
Parenting Children Beyond Control
Harness The Power Of Feeling Great
Master Time Management
Create Your Reality
12 Pro-Active Parenting Tips
Seize Your Opportunity For Success
The Defiant Child
Transform Negativity
Handling Tantrums, etc
Romantic Advice For Parents
Access The Secret Wisdom Of Nature
The Child Development Solution
Resolutions For Happy Success
Facing Angry Child Behavior?
"My 3 yr. Old Drives Me Crazy"
Inevitable Success Secrets
Handling Kids Negotiating
Develop Your Parent Leadership
Couples: How To Argue
Your Inner Source
Bob Lancer's Essential Parenting Solutions
Family, Holidays, Child Discipline
Life-Balance Wisdom Secrets
To Raise A Secure Child From Infancy
The Tao of Success
How To Establish Boundaries With Children
Self-Empowering Communication Tips
Sibling Rivalry Solutions
How To Fall In Love and Stay in Love
Daily Parenting Solutions
Release From The Only "Thing" That Holds You Back

Parenting The Defiant Child



Are you parenting a "defiant" child. We typically think of defiance as a negative trait in children.  But think again.


Aren’t there situations in which you WANT your child to demonstrate defiant behavior?  


For instance, you want her to demonstrate defiance of peer pressure that would otherwise lead her into self-destructive conduct.


If your child is ever facing a situation in which the odds are against her, but the goal is worth striving for anyway, don’t you want her to demonstrate the gumption to defy those odds? Defiant behavior makes sense there.


What if your child has a dream and some negative person in a position of authority tells her to give up that dream because she will never be capable of succeeding, don’t you want your child to defy that person’s opinion and reach for the stars?  So sometimes you hope for defiant child behavior.


If it was not for defiant behavior the United States would still be a British Colony, women would not have the power to vote, horrible traditional practices like slavery would still be in place.


Defiance has to do with ignoring rules, and if we are really going to be honest with one another, sometimes it is better
to break a rule than to obey a rule.


Think of the rules that you have deliberately broken because you honestly believed that you and others would be better off.


So we have to be careful about raising children to follow rules, to do as they are told, to blindly heed authority. Defiant behavior is not necessarily wrong.


What we really want is for children to recognize when a rule is actually NOT working in their best interest, and to not permit themselves to be oppressed or suppressed by wrong or unhealthy rules.

Defiance, then, is not ALL bad.  It is a source of innovation, invention and improvement.


What we want is not for children to blindly follow the rules, but to do nothing in defiance of the dictates of the true wisdom of their true selves.


We want to raise the child to recognize what is truly in line with her interest and with the real interests of others, and to select her behavior accordingly.


To lead a child in this intelligent direction, be very careful about how you react to defiance of your directions and rules.


Don’t make defiance in and of itself an incorrect behavior.  It depends upon how the child defies the rule, and why.


Sane parents don’t want to raise their children to do what the parents tell them to do.  They want to raise their children to be able to make responsible choices for themselves even when there is no parent there to tell them what to do.


If you emotionally react with indignation when your child appears to blatantly ignore your directions or your rules, make it a rule for yourself to maintain your self-control.


You reacting blindly, harshly may actually NOT be what the child needs from you to develop respectful, responsible behavior.


Remain calm so  that you can first determine why the child defied you.  There may be a good reason.  For instance:

o  You may have mumbled your direction and she didn’t actually hear you

o  You may have directed her while she was concentrating elsewhere

o  You may have directed her to do something that she was about to do herself

o  You may have directed her to do something that she really doesn’t need to do right now


When we blindly react to defiance, we make the act of defiance wrong, and fail to lead the child into the responsible self-direction that may, at times, require accepting some defiant behavior from the child.



Find the help you need to raise a happy, well-behaved child on the road to success;  
Phone: 770-364-9580   Email:

© 2015 Bob Lancer. All Rights Reserved : : : Web Hosting by - Designed with SiteBuilder

                     Raising Our Children  
         Raising Ourselves
Created with the SiteBuilder.